Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The Five Best Books Ever Written!

The M.O. of this blog is indulgent pretense and hyperbole, so let's light it off right. I choose for this weeks Five for rating and commentary:

The Five Best books ever written.

This is subjective as hell, but anyone who is a literary critic of any ability will agree with me. Keep in mind this is not a list of the best authors or the most significant books, merely a run-down of quality.


1.
The Good Earth, Pearl S. Buck

It gets no better than this book. Analogy, opium, popular revenge, concubines, geologically analogous women, and a touching story. This book humanizes the characters to the point that you are raving in their acquisitions and beaten with their losses. And it helped inspire the American Communist Party. A better book does not exist, though I'm sure you'll have your unenlightened arguments.

I give this book 9.7 Chevelles.

Personally, I've never read The Good Earth. I'm inclined to believe that it is a good book, but it is on too many high school required reading lists for me to endorse it whole heartedly. Don't get me wrong, some books that show up on a lot of high school reading lists are good. But others? Let's just say they all aren't the finest examples of pen put to paper. So in conclusion - I can't disagree with Casey's assertion that it is good, but I can disagree with his claim that it is the best book ever.

I understand the squeamishness associated with high school reading lists. They are often more about social issues than actual literature. This one I have to say is not one of those. There are social issues, but the social issues are incomprehensible to an American, so they are neutralized, at least a little. I also like the overall snootiness I can claim as my own having read it.

Cue my nomination.

My first contribution to this list has to be:

2.The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison.

This book is one of the most technically perfect books I can imagine. The writing is top-notch, the characters are fantastic, and the social issues that Ellison presents still persist today in many different forms. You can read this book as a straight forward good read. You can read this book for symbolism and meaning that happens on several deeper levels. Most importantly, you can reread this book several times and find lots of new reasons to love it. If you haven't read this book - go now. If you read this book and did not like it - I am not-so-silently judging you right now, but I'm open to hearing your reasons.

I give this book a 9.9 (I don't know as much about cars - so I'm not going to try and compete)


The car thing was an experiment. I'm sure I'll rate everything with different standards as I whimsically choose to do so. You would if you didn't suck. I have read the book a few times. Unfortunately, the first was in seventh grade when my tastes were more juvenile. I hated the book. It was painful for me as a seventh grade boy with a motherfucker of spring fever going on to sit and read a book where nothing explodes and there is no mechanical porn to speak of. Reading it as an adult, I have to say that I would put it easily in the top ten, and it probably deserves a seat in the top five. On the other hand, we're American, and our bias will become apparent.

I can't believe you had to read that book in seventh grade. I disagree with your teacher's choice and not because of your "motherfucker of spring fever." What were you reading in 3rd grade? To Kill a Mockingbird?

Speaking of American bias in nomination:

3: The Log From the Sea of Cortez, John Steinbeck

This is a very unpopular book. It was published the same month Pearl Harbor got its shit handed to it, and I feel that may have ruined its chances to be ranked higher in the hearts and minds of the literati. Unpopularity aside, this read is amazing. Amazingly nerdy. Throughout the arc of great and not-so-great Steinbeck, his internal nerd monologue was stifled and edited out. In this narrative, he lets his littoral ecology freak flag fly to devastating effect. There have been no writers I have encountered that capture maritime life in littoral regions like he does. I understand if you haven't read this, but I still judge you as unworthy.

Wow. You are quickly on your way to out-nerding me. You should know that this is not something that I am used to, and I always imagined when this happened I would start to feel "cooler." Sadly, this is not the case.

As you probably guessed, I have not read The Log From the Sea of Cortez. I am in fact suspicious of whether or not it is a real book, but due to some inherent laziness today I will not be fact checking. I will say that given the little I know about your background, if you endorse a book based up the way it presents some maritime themes I should be in no position to doubt you.

I have spent a good portion of my life on the water, so you should automatically defer to my judgement of such matters. As for being "out-nerded" you should remember that you are dealing with a minor Jedi master of nerdiness. Not that it matters when you bring up Faulkner.

Sticking with our American bias:

4. The Sound and the Fury - William Faulkner

This is easily the most challenging book that I have read. Insert your "Well that doesn't say very much..." jokes here. Regardless, I experienced three false starts with this book where each time I was convinced I would not get past the first section, and I was even more sure that I would never enjoy it. By the time I broke through the first section I was off and running, and I have reread this book in parts and in its entirety several times since.

The book has (thoughts of) incest, guilt, alcoholism and suicide. The second section as told by Quentin is one of the finest pieces of stream of consciousness writing that you can find, and the final scene where he talks with his father amazed me each time I read it. I know that Faulkner can be a divisive "love him/hate him" author, and you can put me on the side of "big fucking fan." In fact, I almost love Absalom, Absalom just as much. If you are a Faulkner hater I want the opportunity to convince you that you are wrong.

I have been foiled. Judging by the "incest, guilt, alcoholism, and suicide," I'm assuming this all happens in a Visalia, CA trailer park? I remember vaguely seeing this pop up on the Amazon.com list of unrelated reading material they think I should like. They also tried to sell me on The Da Vinci Code. Why my purchase of Dark Night of the Soul would convince them that either of these books should be my next purchase is beyond me. I can say I was intrigued by the title, and I severely hope that when I do read it the book will live up to the name. If it does not, I'll take it upon myself to write a book called The Sound and the Fury that will have an appropriate number of explosions and boobs. And vikings.

To keep Ol' Glory waving:

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain

Mark Twain is the three ton hairy chestnut of American writing. He is without a doubt the master of words and phrase that Thomas Jefferson had in mind when he penned the declaration, and you know, writing letters to John Adams. I would have used Letters From Earth, but I'm not sure if a compilation would be allowed. The scope and depth of the characters in this comedy(?) are unsurpassed in literature as far as I, and by extension everyone else, am concerned. Also, the plot is funny and sad at the same time without losing the piquancy of either, no mean feat. So, in conclusion, Mark Twain is the motherfucking man. 9.875 pyroclasms.

I feel sorry for the other countries, they haven't produced any of the top five books ever written. They must suck.

I won't fight you on Huck Finn or on Twain. Both are deserving of some high praise and anyone who is on the side of banning that book is completley bat-shit crazy. Now I'm pretty sure we could each add a few more books to the list, but at this point we're turning it over to you the readers. Got a problem with our list? Put in the comments. And if there is a book that you are convinced we should read there is a more than decent chance that I will take you up on it.

171 comments:

Momentary Academic said...

I appreciate your list, but I'd have to think long and hard about the five best books ever written.

And what does "geologically analogous " mean? Thanks!

Casey said...

See, that's why GSR and I are so good at this, we barely thought at all.

As for the question, all women are geologically analogous, all great literature exploits this fact of life and love. I have never met you, but I get a strong feeling of fluvial conglomerate from you, maybe a little bit of carbonic acid weathering, but only enough to be real classy.

I hope I have cleared things up a bit.

mysterygirl! said...

I like books!!!

I'm embarrassed that I haven't heard of the Steinbeck, and I haven't read the Buck. :( On the other hand, I'm on board with GSR's choices and with the Twain, even though I probably wouldn't think to put Twain on my own list.

Grad School Reject said...

MG! - I knew you'd be on board with the Faulkner and the Ellison. I think if I had added a 3rd book to the list it would have broken the all American streak (thus making me a person who hates liberty), because it would be hard for me to leave off 100 Years of Solitude.

Jenni said...

Just another blatant attempt to make me look like a MORON. I don't believe I have read any of those books...and if I have, I have read them in the form of Cliff's Notes.

I know...I know...You don't even have to go there.

So sad.

Jill said...

Right, so in the spirit of this blog, I'm going to make a comment. This post is so fucking cock-centric that I couldn't even bear to finish reading it. That is all.

Grad School Reject said...

Jenni - I promise that was not the itention. The lists will take different forms over the weeks, so don't give up on us yet.

Jill - You're welcome

fringes said...

Please let me suggest: try not sending your readers running for their dictionaries every other sentence. I use mine to prop up my DVR, and moving it will destroy the feng shui of my high-def experience.

Having said that: GSR, is that you in the blue font? Very nice contributions. What's the next topic? I haven't read any of these books.

Casey said...

Cock-centric? Does that mean the entry is too masculine, or that the five best books ever written are by men?

Also, sorry everyone for the big words. Sometimes I get carried away.

Also, never having read the book is no excuse not to argue about it.

Lord Chimmy said...

This list is easily one of the top five most absurd things I've read today. Good day.

I said good day.

fringes said...

Okay, I played along in my own space. Read at your peril. Thanks for the post idea.

Megarita said...

OK, I'll give you Faulkner, but THAT IS IT. You're out of your minds. But all these lists are mental masturbation, which is something I totally respect. Books are cool.

JordanBaker said...

Yeah, I'm with Megarita. With the exception of The Sound and the Fury and about 60 pages of Invisible Man, these books bite. The Good Earth is one of the reasons I hated seventh grade so much.

Grad School Reject said...

Chimmy - That's the spirit. I knew you wouldn't disappoint. But no shout-outs for the hard-boiled detective fiction? My plan to get recommendations is backfiring horribly.

Fringes - Done and done. Already left you a comment - nice work.

Megarita - Books ARE cool. How come I am not?

JB - Only 60 pages of the Invisible Man? Which ones?

Casey said...

I have recently given name to a literary phenomenon called the Salinger/Steinbeck gap. The S/S gap explains a lot of your bad tastes.

See, for me, who gives it up to the DC (note: Dove Creek), books by urban writers, i.e. Salinger, seem to be smarmy and boring and pandering. The Grapes of Wrath on the other hand, once I was old enough to get it, was captivating. A book full of people doing things I knew how to do and talking the way I talk and trying to scrape life out of the dry Earth.

So don't feel bad if you didn't understand my three of The Five Best Books Ever Written(!), you were just born without the required experience.

And forcing a seventh grader to read The Good Earth is sadistic. You might try reading it now that you have gathered a little more adult patience.

heather said...

you're ~all~ wrong. chances are without margaret wise brown's goodnight moon, crockett johnson's harold and the purple crayon, maurice sendak's where the wild things are, dr suess' green eggs and ham and janette sebring lowrey's the poky little puppy none of us would have developed into readers. therefore ~these~ and others like them are the best books ever written.
take ~that~ gsr!
;-)

Lord Chimmy said...

GSR- Oh, don't get me started on the awesomeness of hard-boiled crime fiction. I've pretty much abandoned books of "literary value" in order to delve deeply into the seedy world of pulp. I've read so many crime novels of late that it is changing my personality...I'm starting to use one-liners and bad metaphors on a daily basis now.

Grad School Reject said...

Heather - In all seriousness, You are right! You win. I f#*king loved Harold and the Purple Crayon, Good Night Moon, and Where the Wild Things Are (as well as Sendak's In the Night Kitchen and Pierre). Well done.

Chimmy - I love the image of you using lots of one liners in everyday life. Do you ever come up to D.C.? There are a couple of bars where I could see that type of behavior fitting right in.

Airam said...

God this is so embarassing but ... I ... umm ... haven't read any of those books.

Grad School Reject said...

Airam - I forbid you to feel embarassed, and I encourage you to tell us things like: I haven't read those books cause they all suck. Thanks for coming by!

Lord Chimmy said...

Actually, GSR, I'm looking to move to D.C.

Good to know my one-liners might be of some value...

Grad School Reject said...

Chimmy - Let me know when you are coming to town if you want to grab a drink. Based on some of your posts/comments there is a bar called Bourbon that you might like (I'm more of a beer guy, but the place is pretty cool from what I have heard).

Kofi said...

haven't read that particular book, but Faulkner definitely is God.

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